Mental health, its just a word, don’t let it define you
The main reason for getting the help I needed was the simple fact that I needed someone to talk to, someone who didn’t know me to share my background with and try to get to bottom of me feeling unwell. Deep down I think knew the reasons but I wasn’t able to come to accept them.
My partner was the person who noticed a change in me and even she didn’t know the reasons behind the change in behaviour. And the same questions were asked – HOW ARE YOU? and the biggest lie to respond with is I’M FINE, How are you going to get help if all you do is keep telling the people who ask this that your fine when your not!
IT WAS AFFECTING MY WORK AND WASN’T ABLE TO CONCENTRATE.
I really don’t know what triggered it off, maybe a build up of too many things, maybe the past had finally caught up with me, the missus was due our first baby in a matter of weeks, maybe I was scared of becoming a father, I really don’t know.
After a week or so I started getting really bad suicidal thoughts and I wasn’t able to sleep at night due to my mind running overtime. I never felt I would ever harm myself but the thoughts were still there, and I didn’t know what to do with them. My mind was planning how I would do it My mind was telling me cut, it was telling me the way to do to end my life, I was very scare, this wad the first time this had happened to me so I just didn’t know how to cope with it.
I finally built up the courage to tell my partner and explain how I was feeling and told her I needed help…She was very understanding which was a huge relief. This made me feel a little better for getting it out…I MADE THE FIRST STEP WHICH WAS AN ACHIEVEMENT IN ITSELF.
THE SECOND STEP WAS TO TELL MY MANAGER! I was called into the office for something I had done and straight away before any conversation had started I broke down, who said men don’t cry? It just came flooding out, it wasn’t a nice feeling crying in front of my manager but everything was on top of me. I told her about my thoughts and said I needed help, I needed someone to talk to… Then the words came that I thought Id never hear.
To be continued…
This is a very powerful image, if you have seen it you will know what I mean, if you havent, read it and let me know your thoughts.
If you can relate to this is post then I hope it will help you speak to someone, anyone that you feel comfortable with, get it out there, it really does help, maybe not at first, but the more you speak the better it will become, I cant promise anything but make that first step into becoming a new you.
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